Wouldn’t it only seem reasonable that if our government is going to enter into the usual realm of private business, e.g. autos, banking, health care, that they be compensated to some degree, in the same manner as those who, dare I say, swim in those deeper waters? In conformance with our renewed spirit to control executive compensation and tie executive pay to performance, I propose that we require all of our federal legislators that believe so strongly in preserving our domestic union auto industry be required to take 10% of their annual remuneration in GM and Chrysler stock for the next 10 years. After all, if it’s a good deal for the taxpayer it should be a good deal for them, don’t you think? And why shouldn’t they financially benefit from their financial acumen in discerning such an undervalued asset? Why not a single private capital source was prescient enough to put up a dime during their descent into bankruptcy? Those fools living outside the beltway just don’t know excellent value when they see it!
Why, those brain-dead-execs can’t even see the proverbial King Solomon's gold mine just screaming to be exhumed from the green energy revolution. Big oil, big coal and their like should have been investing billions in wind power, bio-fuels and solar, right? If they’re too stupid to see such salient opportunities right in front of their faces, what’s wrong with rewarding our more sagacious market maven legislators with a share of profits? Let’s make them take 20% of their annual compensation in after tax and subsidy profits of our new private/public partnership energy companies. Let them pile up the big green for being green!
Why stop there? If we can save money and still provide quality health care by having the government run it, let’s pay them another 20% of every dollar they save us on health care. And certainly we would be remiss if we didn’t reward our savant salons with additional compensation for the improvements yet to be realized in public education. Let’s give them another 20% of their take-home in bonuses for increasing standardized test and SAT scores and decreasing the drop-out rate. What a great deal for them and for the taxpayer! It’s a total win-win. I'm confident that if we dig a little deeper we can find, without too much sweat, a way to base the total compensation of our entire federal and state legislatures on performance. Who’d mind paying our senators and congressmen seven figures plus a year if it was based upon real, measurable savings and profits? But wait a minute. What do we do when our senators and congressman run into their own executive compensation limits? We couldn't pay them all that they've earned. No worry. They can easily amend the law, at least for themselves, by adding some obscure line-item to a late night anti-poverty bill.
( Unfortunately, if we actually paid lawmakers based upon a percentage of profits we would fall into violation of the federal minimum wage laws so I guess we’d be obligated to pay them at least $6.55/hr no matter what. But would anyone besides me be truly surprised if that’s all they ended up making? Perhaps that’s all they’re really worth? )
Saints be damned! Why not have President Obama appoint George Soros and Warren Buffet to implement measurable pay for performance standards unilaterally for all state and federal employees as our new Public Employee Compensation Czars. Can anyone imagine how much money could be saved if government operated at a profit? Can anyone imagine a government that didn't need more money? What if public institutions were actually run as efficiently as the private sector? Hell, we could start buying up hundreds of Chinese companies with our profits instead of them buying ours. Shazam, no trade deficit! At the very least, 'we the people' could buy the entire depraved U.S. pharmaceutical industry and our newly liberated, financially adept government entrepreneurs could show those idiots how to make money while lowering drugs prices. And then we could buy the depraved tobacco industry and then the depraved auto... woops, already bought that! Maybe there might be enough cash left over to buy Starbucks and lower the price of my favorite mocha! Why not just let them run everything! With Uncle controlling our auto, energy, retirement, banking, health care, mortgage industries, education etc., we'll finally be able to just quit worrying, 'git ourselves one of dem der new green guberment jobs', drink the people's lattes, relax and play with our iPhones*. Why take any chances? Freedom is choosing your ringtone......
* Isn't that cute the way Apple uses the lower case 'i'. Might this possibly suggest some sort of subconscious mass sublimination of the the big 'I' individual ego. Suppose it's better than a 'wePhone'. Paranoid me.
M.D.T.
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